History of my life

This morning, when I was doing my room chores, I was thinking about my views on my father (I'm too formal in this sense). I hate when it suddenly appeared in my mind.

Until today, I still have the negative thoughts or views on my father. I tried not to think at that way because it sounds so childish of me, which usually only teenagers (adolescents) age around 12-20 might had those stupid bias toward family members especially to the parents, whom I already reached the age of 20+. But it still occurred inside me (or I'm not matured enough yet?). Hummph!

When I was still a kid, I used to hope that my father would bring us shopping, having some picnics, have conversation with us (my siblings), etc. I did not have such a luck as the other kids had. They (the kids, which now still are my friends) could have those like what I mentioned in the above. I did not mean that I had not received any, but it was too little or few in those years.

It was like this.

My father would only buy us clothes ONCE in a year, that was before the Chinese New Year. Which meant, he would only take out money for us to buy clothes ( for warming, in my sense ) ONCE a year. And we (the siblings and I ) had only a chance shopping during these times. My point is why could not he bring us shopping once in a month (I do not request much),only ONCE in a month, OK! In other cases, of course, he did feed us and himself too. I did not mean he kept the money for himself. He paid our school fees and bus fees as well. But by doing all these did not mean he had accomplished his mission as a father. And what I remembered, I did not have any picnic with my family. Since my father do not drive so that may be one of the factors of why he could not bring us to anywhere.

What we want as their kids were we hope he understood what we wanted and what we needed, especially from physical and mental aspects. I remembered that my eldest brother used to have some problems but since no 'feeling' conversation held in the house, he kept all the problems within him and thus, had discipline problem when he was in the high school, for example, smoking. I know that he was stress and he could not depend from his close parent, so who should he depend on? Of course, his friends! From there, he learned from them all the so-called bad behaviours in the school. What is the cause of this? Was it the parent fault or my eldest brother fault? It is very important to talk with your parents about anything, except yellow-minded thingy if you are not allowed to (some parent do teach the kids on this ), this is to free your stress and problems and it's good to share them instead of holding them by yourselves, ALONE!

They were quite a lot if i want to type them all here. But I do not want to expose all, otherwise the readers would think what kind of daughter I am, hahaha! Pengsan~ Am I too bias toward my own father? Hummph! I do not want to have this feeling exist now and forever! I feel guilty to him! I love you is what I can say now..

Since I'm a mother to a kid, I do not wish such things to occur at my daughter self. I try to understand what she needs and I do bring her shopping, sometimes with her grandmother, father as well as her uncle. Hehe! She uses to be so happy when she wears her shoes, she knows that mommy and daddy about to bring her to kai-kai. Haha! I really hope her father (my kid's father ) would not be like my father, because I do have instinct that told me he is about to be my next daddy!

Here some pictures of my kid (just to make the environment happier.. Hehe!)